no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
