Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
being pregnant is like rehab
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
