i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
