I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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