she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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