As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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