Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
