Little spoons don't ask big questions
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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