I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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