You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
