Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
