Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
