bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
