the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
