I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
