I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
