About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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