I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
