Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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