Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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