And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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