I'm passing your future prison.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
