I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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