i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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