finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
