my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
