Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
