So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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