So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
