I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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