I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
