Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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