Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
NoShamevember. You game?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
