If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
