So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
