i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
