You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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