I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
