Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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