I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
