just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
