hell yes lets make some ravioli
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
