I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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