who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
