You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
