I must be too annoying 4 u.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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