After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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