I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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