Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
