I want to have your abortion
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize