May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
