There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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