i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
