I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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