You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
