i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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