I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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