The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
