for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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