once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
