Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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