he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
