If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
