The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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