Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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