Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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