you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
third nipple confirmed
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
