would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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