hotel room ftw
At least make sure they are 18
Why
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
