If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
