I want to walk on stilts...naked
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
