I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Found your dick twin last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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