Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
