ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
