JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
