I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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