Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
