Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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